Dani goes London

... turn the pages!

I decided to move my blog to a rather anonymous site allowing me to backtrack the readers *harhar*

Just joking, I've given out this blog address rather randomly, just drop me a line or gis a yell if you want the new location of my wired thoughts.

So long, my friends and enemies!

D

As we topped up our stashes lately, I am regularly (daily?) tempted, and every now and then I'm having a quiet spliff in the back garden, not unnoticed by our neighbours. Anyway, so I did yesterday after coming home, but unfortunately my mate's arrived and took me out for a drink on the Sainsbury's car park.

The effects a tiny little spliff has on me these days is quite amazing. Thinking back when I was younger, I usually smoked an ounce per week, solids that is. A luxury life you might think but that's just one of the advantages having a trafficker as boyfriend (the other one is being fukin nicked off work, interviewed for hours and then walkin' off as there wasn't any evidence for them to keep me in. sigh.).

Well these days tho, hitting to being thirty than anything else I must admit my body (apparently) can't really handle soft drugs anymore. I sat around fekin paralysed (as it happened just 2 weeks ago at someone else's gaff, don't remind my of that, me silly cow). And the munchies. Sod it. I'll just go for the charlie in future, I might melt away my nostrils but at least I can get me mouth open...

The nearer we get to the weekend, the more likely it is I might end up drunk in a pub somewhere between the office and my gaff.

So, Thursday's the new Friday anyway, it's a lovely day, nananaaaa, will pick up my mate Knut soon-ish (for those who know him, yeh, no joke, he's seriously considering movin' over for job n dat) and bugger off for a chilled pint in a pub with a view. It bolloxish hot!

Anyway, slightly better day today, even had a nice chat with my boss, shedloads to do, feckin work is piling on my desk. Better go now.

Seriously, these full moon days seem to affect me, I had a day from hell!

So everything started when I came in, well worried about Mr. Serious and whether something happend to him - so all I could think of was phoning up his office expecting someone else picking up the phone just to tell me he died/got sacked/had an accident or whatsoever. Surprise surprise when I had him on the phone. Blimey, didn't expect that - I completely freaked out, panicked, mumbled "soz wrong number" and hung up. Fuck that, w*nker! You just officially promoted me, I now am a stalker, or what? Jeez louise I feel well silly.

Anyway. Had to be at the Lydia Clinic in the afternoon for some embarrassing questions. Fuck knows how many sexual partner I had the last 6 months! Casual? Ah, yeah! And yes I think I could get in contact with them, just in case... If I really have to? Anyway, a few hours later I went off there, it's all good.

Just to come back to the office in time for a meeting... one of my work mates to be sacked. Thanks. Love those meetings.

And, for the icing on the cake, the guy from Sunday (the one who chatted me up) phoned me up in the evening. No, I won't date you!!!

You see. Some days are well shit. Pity me.

Being chatted-up is actually a nice thing - and as it happens, sometimes the bloke(s) are even not too bad, until...

... I realised that this one from last night wasn't only wearing white shoes (a definite NO GO, EVER), no, at some point he started opening the buttons on his shirt. YUK. I don't want to see your hairy chest, thanks!

... or, an all-time favourite, the bloody overstatements. You have a flat in Notting Hill you're renting out but you live in Tooting Bec in a flatshare? Yeah right. You were a lawyer in the City but decided to take on a more challenging position, and until you find it you're not working... guess on the dole then?

... always a pleasure, the mates. No, I didn't notice them pulling faces, or mentioning "the mark" (which could be either the mark out of 10, or the amount of pints they'd have to drink before they'd even consider shaggin me). Aaaargh just FO and DIE.

... very nice, the phone calls. Not interested in mom's diseases!

Considering... being chatted-up is crap. Leave it!

... I'm not English!

My latest amazon-shopping trip ended just today with the delivery of Kruder & Dorfmeister (The K&D Sessions) and Kate Fox' "Watching the English". I was intrigued by the subtitle:

The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour

Close friends keep telling me I'd sometimes behave very odd or even rude, and I've noticed before that people seem to be put off by things I say or do (that are perfectly normal in the world I used to live), so I decided to give it a go with Kate's guide, hoping for enlightenment.

My dear friends, you guys are seriously weird! Talking about the weather (what English always do) isn't really talking about weather but some sort of a chatting-up line?

I now completely understand the guy's embarrassed face after this short conversation. He smiled at me: "Cold day today, isn't it?" I smiled back: "Minge!"

Rule Number 1: Never disagree! Rule Number 2: If you disagree, start with "Yes, but at least it's not raining" If it is raining, see rule no. 1.

There are several other rules when talking about the weather (which actually isn't talking about the weather, but more a start to some sort of conversation hinting to the fact that one's interested in talking to the other person. phew.) I (shock horror) didn't follow any of the rules, naturally. So for the non-english, this is the translation of the convo above:

He smiled at me: "Hey, you're round here very often?" Me, smiling back: "Fuck off"

There you go! It's not easy round here!

My best girlie mate is coming over to see me this weekend, I'm thrilled to put her up the best weekend ever - shouldn't be too difficult as she's grown up just a few miles from where I used to live and believe me, the nightlife isn't worth the name.

Sooooooooo I'm seriously considering taking her to Ministry of Sound (as I can get that lovely card giving me access to the VIP area. ha.) on Friday and The Cross on Saturday night, with some hardcore-shopping on Saturday afternoon and a visit to cosy EastEnd on Sunday just before she'll be flying back home.

Sounds good? I seriously have lost all objectivity and appreciate any comments... TA folks!

Easy as:

1. Kruder & Dorfmeister, Bug Powder Dust

2. Lamb, Gabriel

3. Urban Species, Blanket

... and the disc is looping and looping and looping...

So I went to see the reason for my sleepless nights, and Lord you all know me and my rude behaving when I'm up for no good (it's me, the nike spot, aka pitbull).

So when I finally got there (well nervous anyway but this isn't a bad thing really) I told myself to take it easy n dat, and what happened? I was fucking paralysed. Me!?

Sorry my language but this is fucking weird. Not sure wheter good or bad, just weird. So I'll have to wait a few days (ha! easy!), will try to get my head sorted in the meantime (yeah right) and then... what??? /me is confused.

my phone's working (oh my cod fish I love it) but today I managed to get a virus, whoohoo, didn't I always kick the dumbasses spreading that shit as their IQ is most probably lower than a glass of warm water?

So there we go, I made it, my work pc is buggered. And I feel well stupid. ME havin a virus on my PC, yeah right! Argh... But I loved this comment:

"silly girl..."

You have no idea, luv!

I always celebrated myself as a technic freak and geek, be it phones, stereos, video players, cams, you name it.

So my new phone arrived this morning -whoohooo-, with video calling and loads of other stuff no one really needs, and guess what! Within 20 minutes only I managed to block my phone with 3 wrong PIN entries. Yup. I still insist this must be a software bug. Bugger!

Working with my current employer makes me physically sick. Every single day. I just can't see my boss' face anymore, I'd rather neck Cyanide (spelling?) than working any longer for him.

The bad thing about it, my colleagues are well cool - and I can't really let my boys down, can I?

As I promised to pop in every few weeks just to pick them up and take them out for a pint or eight, I feel less guilty and finally really started looking around... will let you know. Gis this brain some food, I'm dying of boredom.

OMG. It's going to be this Sunday. Will travel South to see him! If nothing else happens of course, I can't believe it 'till I'm there but anyway, I'm well nervous already and running circles in my head... Wish me luck everyone. I know, I know, everything happens with a reason, but anyway...

... not the Somerfield soft shite of course, it's rather me trying to find a non-sucidal lifestyle.

To keep a long story short, been marching on the lines for 48 hours which means another weekend without food or any other proper nutrition. Moreover, Mr. Serious (we all remember Mr. Big, don't we, so yes, pun there we go) seems to be on a mission still and all the "not Mr. Right but Mr. Right Now" bore me to death (although the yells and text keep me entertained and it's still nice to know there's somebody interested, even if in a drink, a hug and a shag only).

Remember a mate telling me about the real meaning of life: "It's all about the chase, darling". He's very close me thinks, what's even more worrying I might start playing this game and I'll be well crap.

Once bitten, forever smitten - got back from South Africa just a few days ago, with my head still in the sky and somewhere in Jobi - definitely the best city I've ever been to (apart from London... well... deuce!). I instantly fell in love with the City of Gold - and the City of Golden Cages.

Arriving in South Africa was weird. After flying for 10 hours all the way down to the Southern hemisphere, to the almost most southern point possible, in Africa which I expected to be (at least partly) a 3rd world country (oops that's not politically correct anymore?) - I arrived in Cape Town, which reminded me of Spain. Well weird!

Driving to Mossel Bay (the official start of the famous Garden Route) was finally bit more "african", or at least "african in a way I expected it" but still... it didn't feel like being on a different continent. Everything changed (after seeing Mossel Bay and Jeffrey's Bay, Knysna, the Tsitsikamma Nationalpark and P.E.) with the arrival in Durban. We couldn't help playing "spot the White" and some areas were well dodgy, I didn't feel scared but I never let my guard down...

A short visit in Pietermaritzburg for far too many cocktails (someone found a memory? I don't have one... ooops) and soon after the flight to Jobi, yup, the place I fell in love with. Anyone got a job to offer there? Wouldn't think twice!